Pregnant

WARNING: this may contain information you'd rather not know about.  If you don't want to know what it's like to be pregnant with a fifth, don't read.

Jan 3--3.5 weeks
I found out that I'm pregnant this morning.  I had my hunches for the last week. I have already started feeling drained and have bad heartburn. But I was still surprised. We've been off birth control since May.  I was going to give it a real try in January and February and then give up.  And now here we are.  I know I need to have this baby. Jeremy and I both felt it last spring. I know this baby is a test of my faith.  I also know that, boy or girl, I will love this baby so much.  But I am scared. Of being sick again.  Of being tired again.  Of starting the whole infant process over again. I am not as young and energetic as I was when I had Sami.  And I have so much more to tend to now.  I won't be able to do it alone. Faith.  That is what I have to lean on. 

January 14--5 weeks
Up until today, I have just been hungry. Really, really hungry and tired. I was starting to look three months pregnant, not five weeks, from all the eating. But today the nausea hit. And it hit hard. Yuck.

Jan 22--6 weeks
Someone shoot me please.  I feel so yucky.  But last night I had a dream that I miscarried. And when I woke up, I was grateful to feel nauseated. If it goes away before I hear that heartbeat, I may become hysterical.

Feb 1--almost 8 weeks

This pregnancy sucks.  I'm sorry if that word offends but it is about the only one that fits right now.  I feel sick every second of the day.  If the nausea isn't driving me crazy, the indigestion has me doubling over in pain.  The doc put me on heartburn meds (ranitidine) but they only take the edge off.  6 more weeks and I hopefully get feeling better. until then...this sucks
Feb 12-- 9 weeks
Today was our first doc appointment for the baby.  I am happy to announce that we have ONE (I had had so many people tell me that maybe I was so sick because I was carrying twins that I almost started to believe it!) ONE growing baby with a HEALTHY Heartbeat.  Whew!  I was a little concerned about miscarriage too just because of past experiences.  But they say that once a steady heartbeat is heard, the chance of miscarriage drops to 2%.  So it looks like once the next few weeks are over with, I will never have to do morning sickness again.  What a relief!  They did an ultrasound because some my symptoms made them concerned that the baby might be ectopic but all is well.  I have a healthy looking little blob nussled in my uterus. 
Feb 14
I hate Valentine's Day.  Especially today.  It's Saturday so my kids are home.   I was up all night with two of the said kids so I am exhausted as well as feeling lousy.  I have a headache and all I can take is stupid Tylenol.  And my mom is at a conference and Jeremy took Sami skiing.  So I have no helpers.  Dumb Day.

March 4--12 weeks

Went to the doctor today.  I have been so miserable with indigestion and morning runs and nausea.  She changed my pills and took me off of the acid reducer.  Hopefully that helps.  My blood pressure was a little off for the first time ever in my life but not to an alarming level.  I just feel so messed up with this pregnancy. Everyone keeps saying that maybe it's a boy.  If it is--if this is what boys do to me--I'm glad I'm only having one.  If this is a girl, I'm done having babies.  The baby sounded good today though!  Healthy so far.  They did a blood test to check for defects.  This test will actually separate the babies DNA from mine and tell us everything about the baby including the gender!!  So I will know what I'm having in less than two weeks.

March 14--13.5 weeks

Today marks the last day of the first trimester.  I haven't been very positive up to this point because of how lousy this one has been but the new drug helped immensely and I have been feeling better.  I'm hopeful that when I run out of drugs in a few days I will no longer need them. Please don't let this nausea last through the whole pregnancy!!  Ways this baby has messed with me:  nausea, constant indigestion, serious heartburn pretty much every day, serious exhaustion, bloody noses! (Never had one of those before in my life!), my first UTI in forever, odd blood pressure, extremely sensitive sense of smell.  Maybe I'm getting too old for this.  Maybe I'm having a boy... 

March 16

I'm having a girl!!!!!!!  I am completely blown away.  I actually spent the entire afternoon crying.  Not because I don't want another girl or because I won't love and adore her and get to the point where I won't be able to imagine life without her.  I know I will love her so dearly.  But I just never imagined that I wouldn't have a boy...  This is it.  Unless the heavens open and I'm told to have another baby, I am done!  I can't do this again.  It's too miserable.  Maybe I'm weak but I am at my whit's end.  I want to be a good mom to the kids I have.  If I have more children, I'm worried I will get so overwhelmed that I won't be a good mom.  I can't do this again.  I just can't.  Not even for that dream of a son.  Five girls will be fun!  Quite the adventure!  Especially when they're teenagers... Poor Jeremy.  Though he's excited to have another girl.  He claims he wouldn't be a good dad for a boy.  Now we just have to figure out a name...

March 23--14.5 weeks

She kicked me this morning!!  I felt her move shortly after getting to bed at 1:00 this morning. Jeremy and I are in California.  I came with him on a work trip to the Bay Area.  Our flight was late last night.  It was delayed twice and had a gate change to the opposite side of the airport.  Then we went through some of the worst turbulance.  By the time I finally colapsed in a bed, I was completely worn out.  And she kicked me.  :). 

March 28--15 weeks

She moved again today!  Just one hard kick while I was in the shower but she's there!

March 30

Legoland today!  But oh so exhausting...  I went on a ride today that I probably shouldn't have.  The sign said no pregnancy but it was just a toddler ride that went up and down and spun around based on what knobs you pushed and pulled.  I figured I could keep Emmy from going too crazy with the knobs so I didn't stress it.  Then I got on and discovered that the lap bar pushed down right on my uterus.  I tried to keep it loose but apparently it was too much pressure because as soon as I got off, she gave me two hard kicks as a "hey, watch it!"

April 7--16 weeks

What a few weeks it's been. I'm so glad I made it through the worst of the morning sickness before all this traveling hit.  I went to Northern California for two days, came home for three days, went to Southern California for six days, came home for two days, and went to Idaho for three days. The last trip was not planned.  Jeremy's grandpa (GP) came down with terrible pneumonia and ended up in the ICU.  Being 84 and already in rough condition in regards to his heart, lungs, and blood pressure, we are very concerned about him.  Jeremy and I went to spend time with him and GG. We got home last night. I feel beat.  Exhausted and crampy. I wake up in the morning wondering where I am and what day it is.  I am currently sitting in the doctor's office for a routine checkup. I can't wait to hear that heartbeat and know that this baby is OK. She did kick me three times last night, though, so I'm pretty sure we're good. .....

heartbeat sounded good!  I got in trouble though because I gained nine pounds in one month.  I know it was all the junk food I ate while doing all that traveling but I still got the 'healthy diet' lecture. 

May 1--19.5 weeks

We had the ultrasound today!  It was confirmed that we are indeed having another girl. :)  five girls will be so much fun!  Especially in about ten years. But everything looked good- she is healthy.  She was curled up next to the placenta so it was hard to get a good look at the umbilical cord and her face but we were able to see enough to know that development is going fine. We just couldn't get any good pictures...  surprisingly,  she is our first one to not move all over the place during the ultrasound. Is it possible this one will be mellow?  Haha!  One of my children mellow!   I'll believe it if I see it.  

May 6--20 NO WAIT!  21 weeks?! 

Somehow I lost a week somewhere... so funny. I have always been one to watch the pregnancy wheel and know exactly what day I'm on, what the growth milestones are for that week, and how big the baby should be.  But with four kids to keep me busy among other things, I just haven't been paying much attention. I will look up about how big the baby is when my girls ask but I just haven't been on top of it.  Oh well.  :)

May 20--23 weeks

OK.  I'm not sure why I thought this baby was ever calm.  Apparently my placenta is in the back of my uterus this time so the baby is always hanging out right in front. Between that and the early hormones of a fifth pregnancy making my hips huge too early, I feel like I should be eight months along instead of almost six months.  But with the baby being front and center all the time, I feel every tiny little movement.  You'd think this would be fun.  And it was--a month ago.  Now she wakes me up at night.  And when she doesn't, my hips do.  She is constantly making me uncomfortable.  It feels like she's pinching me on the inside... and the slightest sneeze makes me wet myself without fail.  And I've still got all summer to go...  seriously.  Getting too old for this.

June 10--26 weeks 

almost to the third trimester!  I've noticed a routine with this baby.  Every night around 7:30pm, she gets very active and starts stretching.  This is when the pain hits.  My nerves get pinched and pain shoots down my legs.  The pressure on my tail bone is so intense sometimes that I am unable to stand or even sit through it.  I get very uncomfortable. This lasts for anywhere between 30 minutes to several hours depending on the night.  I wonder if this will continue when she is born. (Not the pain, the wiggling)  I wonder if bedtime will be her active time.  It honestly wouldn't surprise me if that's the case because I am the same way.  I always get wired when I should be tired.  This really reminds me of my pregnancy with Ally, though.  At eight and nine months, she would wiggle all night, making it very difficult to sleep and it didn't change once she was born.  The child was practically an insomniac for the first five years of her life!

June 17--27 weeks

Since last Sunday marked the beginning of the third trimester, I've decided to go ahead and publish this and make a separate post for the last trimester and birth.  New this week, though, I've come to the sad conclusion that my tennis playing days are over until winter.  Every time I run, I set off a hard Braxton Hicks that usually takes me out for five minutes or more.  Doc says it's perfectly normal for a 'seasoned' mother.  The joys...